im not sure coming back malaysia is a right decision any more...
of course, there's good and bad every where, no where is perfect, no one is perfect, as well as nothing is perfect !!
yesterday was chatting with my dear missy, talked about every thing, every situation, every possibilities, every out come, every thing that i would face if i changed every thing from now on. and im no longer that daring compare to before, this is all due to the commitments and responsibilities on my shoulder to myself and my family.
if i go, of course, i will make a big differences. but i will go back to the life that i had 3 years back. if i stay, i have nothing extra but every thing back home with everyone. i hesitate because i cant think good and for this situation, im no longer a good decision maker. grrrrrrrrr.... wat should i do to myself???
what i wanted most turned out not wat im expected, or may be expecting. things changed faster than wat i planned. with this current situation, i should be contented. but im a little greedy... but i dare not risk for it. because every thing is unsure. mr x and miss y will not stay, and wat's the point after all. i dont wan to be alone again. im so tired to be alone in the room 24/7 after duty. im tired to date mr dell although he is my soulmate. i dont want to feel depressed and emotional weak when i fall sick and i still have to craw to the kitchen to get a glass of water or make myself a light meal/ snack.
been thinking alot, and high lights a few important points. although im bit know where is it going.... but when i think twice or more. i dont have any conclusion, and wat's the point i stay although i wanted to be in Malaysia soooo much before.
this is really killing my brain cells, am i giving myself tooo much pressure???